Jiraiya's porn problem
by Cohiha
Summary: Jiraiya can't stop looking at porn on the Internet, and whenever he does, Neji always gets blamed. But then an incident at the water park reveals otherwise. Contains sexual material. Oneshot.


Jiraiya's porn problem

It was late Friday night in bar, Tanzaku town.

It had been a while since Jillian had taken a dump on Jiraiya... um, broke up with him, Jiraiya had never made it with another woman since then, and he landed himself in some serious shit on Anima's Vineyard after he tried to make out with Kurenia in the hotel room while Asuma was out drinking with Kakashi.

Jiraiya was so horny that night, he was so bored, he didn't have any porno magazines old ones and threw them out and he has been put in jail twice by Tsunade for looking at the girls in the hot spring, he decided to sneak into the living room while the rest of the members of the ANBU was asleep and look at porn on the Internet.

He typed into the search bar and...

Yes, he spent all night stroking his old dick to naked Asian ladies, anime hentai, dogs humping, etc., oh, what a night it was, and oh, what a ball he had.

The next morning, Kurenia was checking her e-mail inbox when she noticed Spam messages, they were all from porno sites, she then browsed her web history and found all the porno sites that Jiraiya had been looking at, but of course no one knew it was him, it had to be Neji, she was the only teenage leader living among the girls in the house.

"NEJI HYUGA, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!!", screamed Kurenia.

"Does this have to do with the bag of my poo under my bed?" asked Neji.

"Perhaps you would like to explain this!" she snapped as she showed him the pictures of naked anime girls and slutty dogs on the computer.

"But I don't look at that stuff", said Neji, "and what's with that dog?"

"Don't lie to me, Neji!", said Kurenia. "You know that pornography is not allowed in this house, and zoophilia is a very serious problem!"

In the hall across from the study, Jiraiya shuddered in guilt at the fact that Neji was taking the blame for something that wasn't his fault, all because he wanted to jerk off to some decent hentai.

Neji was banned from the computer for a week, he also had to go to Naruto's house and do chores for him as part of his punishment.

At Naruto's place, Neji helped him vacuum the house, take out the garbage, feed Kyubi, and, uh, some other stuff...

After Neji was finished with his work, Kurenai sent Jiraiya to pick up Neji because she had to pick up Orochimaru from the hospital and because Asuma's license had been suspended.

As Jiraiya walked inside, he suddenly saw Naruto's computer in his bedroom.

As an Ivy League educated pervert with plenty of common sense, he knew he had to resist the temptation to get on Naruto's computer, but then emotion overcame reason, and so he gave in.

"Um, could you excuse me for a moment, I have to go check something on My Space?" he asked Naruto, but then he noticed that he was in the bathroom, he then decided to sneak into the bedroom while he wasn't looking and lock the door.

He spent at least five minutes jerking his gherkin to pictures of naked, big-boobed anime girls getting screwed by tentacle monsters on Naruto's computer screen.

As soon as he was done, he tried to click out the websites when he found that the computer was frozen because the Internet was not responding, and he knew that pulling the plug would damage his hard drive, he now had to choose between getting Neji in trouble yet again, or screwing up Naruto's computer.

He then snuck out of the room quietly, grabbed Neji, and quickly took off in the car before Naruto was out of the bathroom.

After he got back home, Jiraiya sat down on the couch, fearful that Naruto would be calling back in no time.

When Naruto got on his computer, he found that his computer was frozen and that he couldn't look at naked boys on the Internet, he pretty much didn't care for pictures of having a lesbian threesome, of course, and he sure as hell wasn't into animal fetishes.

He then called the Anbu house and told Kurenia about what was on his computer, also thinking that it was Neji.

"Neji, Naruto says you've been looking at porn sites on his computer, is that true?" said Kurenia.

"But it wasn't me, he just likes to hide the fact that he's a pervert!" said Neji.

"That is it!" said Kurenia. "You are not going to the water park tomorrow!"

Neji, in disappointment, moaned "Aw, man, this is even worse than 'Viva Rock Vegas'!"

The next day, at the Mount Splash more Water Park just outside of town, Jiraiya got in line for the H2Whoa water slide when he happened to be behind a large breasted, round assed Chinese girl in a black bikini, she was somewhere in her early 20s, college aged, maybe.

Jiraiya then tapped her on the shoulder and asked her "Hi, who are you?"

"Namae wa Kyoko desu!", said the girl. "Yoroshiku?"

"Um, I'm Jiraiya."

"Kawaii no inu da! Aishiteru, daccha!", said Kyoko as she pet Jiraiya's on the head.

"Um, thanks!", said Jiraiya.

"Iie!", she replied.

Throughout the line, Jiraiya continued to stare at Kyoko's immaculate posterior as his old member became longer and harder.

As she went down the slide, her massive tits jiggled majorly all the way down, when she got off, she had an obvious wedgies from the slide, showing off her firm, yellow buttocks.

After Jiraiya got off the slide, he noticed pointing and laughing from people in the line.

He then looked down and noticed that he got a massive erection from staring at Kyoko's T&A for so long, his was even bigger than the time he and Fred Flintstone got an erocktion from watching Betty undress.

He then saw Kyoko again, he then got even harder to the point where he couldn't take it anymore.

He pounced onto her, yanked her bra off, and exposed her Japanese jugs and her Nipponese nipples.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!! ECCHI BAKAYARO!! TASUKETE!!"

The lifeguard came and pulled Jiraiya off of her, he then called the police.

Thankfully, Jiraiya was spared from imprisonment, however, the court ordered him to be castrated, Brian felt as if he was in a Greek tragedy where he must choose between himself and his freedom, of course, he would be playing the role of "sans-testicles".

Months later, Jiraiya was a completely different man without his balls, he was just like any other adult male castrato, he thought just like a prepubescent twelve-year-old and was no longer into women, his new passion was candy.

"I LOVE chocolate!!"

"But I can't eat it, 'cause then I'll get FAT!!"

"But it's SOOOOOOOOO good!!"

Unfortunately, he already was.

THE END

Plz Review!!!


End file.
